and I need something more / to keep on breathing for

Something’s always coming you can hear it in the ground
It swells into the air
With the rising
Rising sound
And never comes but shakes the boards and rattles all the doors
What are we waiting for”

[The Bravery – Believe]

I feel like time is mine again.

You see, I’m this girl who Gets Things Done.  That’s been my m.o. for a long time – I’m the one you give things to when you know no one else can do it, and I make it a success, because I believe I can.

However, that girl’s been in hiding, on vacation, locked in the basement. Instead, there’s been this weak copy put in her place, like a xerox of a xerox times 10 – still recognizable from a distance, but with none of the distinguishing characteristics that makes me the strong person that I am.

So that’s been a huge change for me, lately… I can once again DO things. I mean, I was always able to do things, but I couldn’t summon the will or the desire. Now, I get up and don’t just immediately fall into the computer. I’m feeling the urge to create things, to move around more, to take care of myself in better ways.  This is good.

Side effects lately: a little nausea, nothing too bad. Twitching/vibrating. Today there’s been the overall feeling of being on the second-wind side of staying up for too long – tight around the eyes, hyper-aware, a little bouncy.  Again, nothing intolerable.  Oh yeah, and my food sense is still all borked up – I’m either totally not getting the signals that I’m hungry, or I’ll suddenly be ravenous. However, even when ravenous, I can’t eat as much as I was. Haven’t noticed any weight loss yet. I’m keeping an eye on that.

In somewhat related news, I’ve been enjoying building friendships through Twitter. Some of the people I’ve recently added I’ve known, and many I haven’t. Most, but not all, are Etsy people. I like the interesting combinations of running conversations that get all bunched together, and how we sometimes pick up new friendships through watching our friends’ tweets. It’s good to build community, especially when I feel so estranged from the one of which I was once a part.

Annnnd – in totally UNrelated news – I’m getting a spinning wheel! It was supposed to show up on Friday, but somehow our apartment number was dropped off of the label, so it should be here on Monday. I need to finish the wood and assemble it myself – I’m sure I’m going to be taking lots of photos of the process, especially as I’m staining part of the wheel purple, so look for those photos over on my crafts journal, The Redhead’s Green Thumb. I’ve also started a daily countdown to Earth Day there, with tips, suggestions, and advice on simple green living. That should prove to be a good challenge for my newly re-found energy!

I write, as openly as possible, about my experiences with life, love, creativity, depression and not-depression. I share opinions. I promote compassion and change. I talk about music. I also write poetry and short stories. I like to share them here.

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