My night is colored headache grey – Daysleeper

Lyrics today from REM [daysleeper]

Trying to get one’s life back in order can be tough, I swear. Up and down, ’round and ’round, but the work’s worth it, because I’m worth it, dammit.

One thing that’s helping is that the Artist’s Way Creative Cluster has decided to play a little catch-up with our Work, since big things have been going on in our lives and we’ve gotten a little behind. [that’s why there have been no i plant the seeds posts lately!] We should be back on track soon, and I should be caught up on things like Artist’s Dates and some of the chapter work.

I have been doing some things here and there, as you might have seen from various posts. I have a few ideas for Artist’s Dates, too. The one thing that’s really suffered has been my Morning Pages, because it feels like there’s always a reason to put off doing them, and of course I don’t ever manage to get back to doing them once that happens. I feel like this is something that I need to nip in the bud now, because it isn’t fair to ME to do this. I need the Morning Pages, and I deserve the breakthroughs that I get from them.

In that vein, I want to take this weekend and take some steps to pamper and nurture myself. I have been feeling rather low and draggy, and I know that I could love myself much more fully than I have been. In fact, I really recommend this for everyone I know. You deserve some love, folks!

Things I’d like to do this weekend:

  • long spa-style bath with candles, bubbles, and music
  • a really lovely meal – at the DINING ROOM TABLE! O_o
  • a nice long walk
  • buy something small and needful that makes me smile
  • donate ALL the clothes I’m not wearing
  • squee in glee at all the room in my closet
  • pants off dance off [well, I wear skirts, so this one’s easy]
  • go through my old writing and compile the best of the bunch

That’s a good list to start with, considering I’m talking about a time from right now until sometime Sunday night.

One thing I have found myself to be really poor at is taking care of myself. Everyone else, no problem. Me? I can always wait, right? What a bad precedent to set with myself. I settle for little bits of food, or things that aren’t the most well-balanced. I wait too long to eat. I don’t exercise enough, and I really do like certain sorts of exercise. [Yoga, anyone? Walking?] Why do I do this? I don’t think it’s laziness… I think it stems from a desire to disappear, in a way. If I don’t think about my needs, I don’t have to deal with myself and my perceived shortcomings. And you know what? I deserve better than that, too. I mandate to myself that I need to take care of myself. After all, I’m the only me that I have.

I write, as openly as possible, about my experiences with life, love, creativity, depression and not-depression. I share opinions. I promote compassion and change. I talk about music. I also write poetry and short stories. I like to share them here.

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