Action. This is a SERIOUS issue for me currently, as one of the hallmarks of my depression is an inability to take action on most things without extreme effort and discomfort. You can imagine how difficult this chapter has been for me, then! In fact, this is why I had to stop and take a break from The Artist’s Way for a bit, because this chapter quite honestly handed me my curvy ol’ rump on a platter.
As for my Morning Pages, I missed two days, but I also told myself that although this is not an optimal practice – because I get good things from them, and that is the whole point of doing this, I also am NOT to punish myself over it. Slips are allowed, because in the grand scheme of things, missing some Morning Pages is No Big Deal. I did have some frittery pages in the ones that I did, but I also had one sleep-deprived day of great insight. I forgot how immediate the connection is from brain to fingers when I’ve not had enough sleep!
I’ve already done most of the exercises previously, but I did want to go to the Color Schemes exercise.
I am violet: ethereal, the colour of early morning or very late evening, mysterious and dreamy. I am lilacs, violas, comfort, lavender, sleepy moments, and a mother’s touch. I am the feeling one has when wrapped in velvet, I am dulcet sunrise birdtones, I am soothing to eyes and soul.
I have many things in that colour – my favourite are sheets that make me feel like I’m nestling down into a dreamy cloud, and a kerchief that I knitted for myself… in fact, one of the very first things that I ever knitted! Although most people who see me associate black, or more recently, the red that I use a lot as accent, violet is my favourite colour. I even named my band after it, so that should say something, right? 🙂
My Artist’s Date was a long bubble bath – simple, but needed. I took time to do all the pampering things that I’ve been neglecting, because another big part of my depression is not taking care of myself the way I should. First, I filled the tub up with foamy goodness, assisted by a Satsuma bubbling bath mousse from The Bath Project. I then took a long time to soak, rolling over to float in the tub and meditate on the bubbles and the feeling of the water buoying me up. Next, I exfoliated everything that needed it, taking extra time on the places that the coming colder weather will take a toll on soon. After that, I did a quick rinse and slathered myself with lotion until everything was soft and happy. I came away feeling refreshed, nourished, and relaxed – and afterwards I managed to get a bunch of small projects accomplished, so I think my Me Time really paid off!
Synchronicity: I want to say there was something, but my poor brain doesn’t want to behave.
Issues: oh yeah. This week saw me in one of the worst depressive cycles that I’ve had in a while. It was bad enough that MrWhite wants me to go back to the doctor. I also picked up a book that has various meditations and exercises designed to help one through the low points – I’ll blog more about that later, though. When I have a low point, it affects everything that I do, especially this Work. I don’t want to take care of myself, I don’t want to even move. So having a rather difficult chapter with this low point might be a sort of reaction, in a way… it’s hard to say, but I did make it through, and I did try really hard not to feel guilty.
One day at a time, right? Every day is another chance to get through it in an improved state.