but it's time to crush this feeling as soon as it rains

lyrics from Tones On Tail [rain]

Everyone has a Dad [or several], but that doesn’t mean that the man who donated his genes is going to be very good at the role.

I’ve had two. One – the gene donor – I only knew for the first two years of my life. The other is my Stepdad, whom I’ve written a bit about here before, and I’d like to not dwell on at this point.

Turns out that I’m fairly assured that they’re both dead, now. Thanks, Google.

Paul was a Navy man, and he dragged my Mom around a bit after I was born, leaving her in a pretty precarious position, financially. She’s told me stories about how hungry we were, how tough those times were. What sort of man does this? Well, the sort of man who, when his Mother-In-Law takes in his wife and child and offers to support them as long as he disappears from their life… takes her up on the offer, then never ever contacts his child or sends support for the rest of his life.

I’m hoping that you were a better father to your other daughter [my half-sister that I didn’t even know about] and your stepdaughter than you were to me, Paul.

I hope you were loyal to your wife and your family. I hope you lavished them with the love that you professed to me and my Mother but never made good on after my second birthday.

I hope that you know that despite your lack of follow-through with me, I am doing really well. I managed and I’m strong and although I feel really weird to know that you’re gone and you never came back into my life, I’ll be just fine.

I write, as openly as possible, about my experiences with life, love, creativity, depression and not-depression. I share opinions. I promote compassion and change. I talk about music. I also write poetry and short stories. I like to share them here.

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