When my world changed, where were you?

The old door...
Image by Tonyç via Flickr

[anger, disappointment] It’s easy to walk away these days, it seems. It’s easy to write off those you cared about when they let you down… yet for every failure on my part, there was a night when I needed a friend, a hand… and I sat there alone.

[hurt, frustration] Do you even know what’s been going on in my life? I know some of what’s happened in yours. Despite my huge block, the locked door between mind and mouth that keeps me from speaking to you, I read your updates, and I watch for you.

[resignation, sadness] I know I’m a failure at the things that you wanted me to be for you. I hate it. It isn’t that I am unaware of my failures at all. I just seem unable to get up on many days, much less take the risk to reach out and find you. Now, you’re angry at me, and I can’t argue with that. I have been trying to change the things that are broken inside me, but I haven’t done it well enough to give you what you needed as a friend.
I don’t know if apologies can repair the rift between us. I don’t know if I should even try. I haven’t been able to heal myself quickly enough for my own good, much less anyone else, and I don’t want to let you down again. But for what it is worth, I am truly sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you, and your friendship has meant the world to me.

I write, as openly as possible, about my experiences with life, love, creativity, depression and not-depression. I share opinions. I promote compassion and change. I talk about music. I also write poetry and short stories. I like to share them here.

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