then I’ll be ten feet tall and you’ll be nothing at all

Stuff in my life has changed rapidly since the last update. Things I’ve discovered:

  • My marriage was a lie
  • Good things can come out of bad, or the blue, or both
  • Every time I think I’ve reached my limits of strength, I’m pleased to find that I’m mistaken
  • Every time I think that I’ve found the depths of my ex’s capabilities to lie and/or spin things in ways to make him feel better about himself, I’m amazed to find that I’m mistaken
  • I still hate living by myself
  • However, true love? It never dies. And in fact, it can bloom from seeds that were long thought dead.

I’m off my Cymbalta. Still on Wellbutrin. Withdrawals sucked ass, but other than some residual, random banging noises in my head, they mostly seem finished. I can cry again, and I’ve taken advantage of that. I can feel again, and I’ve been reveling in it.

I’m biding my time until I can get the hell out of Dodge North Carolina and move back to a place where I feel more at home. I’ve loved aspects of being here, and I will miss to pieces my friends in Concord and Charlotte… but I can’t say that I’ll miss being here at all. I sacrificed everything known for someone who spit in my face. Sorry, NC, you’re bearing the brunt of my dislike right now. It’s time I did some things for ME, things that will benefit and nurture ME. I’ve spent a huge chunk of my life protecting people at my expense, sacrificing for their benefit, all because I loved them. I’ve done enough of that – now I want to do things that may benefit others that I care about, but NOT at my expense. I’ve given more than my fair share, and I will be supporting only those who support me back, 100%.

That said, I have some of the best friends in the world. And I count myself lucky to have found a second chance in long-lost-love. Everything else? Well, it’ll all come out in the wash.

I write, as openly as possible, about my experiences with life, love, creativity, depression and not-depression. I share opinions. I promote compassion and change. I talk about music. I also write poetry and short stories. I like to share them here.

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