A legacy so far removed, One day will be improved [trigger warning]

I haven’t talked about the Penn State tragedy/debacle/outrage. Not here, at least. I’ve said a bit on Facebook, and on a discussion board in a usually mostly safe space. I haven’t really had the heart to write about it here, mostly because I’m triggered all over the damn place by it.

I Put My Trust In You

Some things, I can’t speak about – not on this website, not even now. Not directly in public. Not because I don’t want to, not because I want to hide it. It’s because I am constrained otherwise – something that rankles in that constraint, because it is a betrayal piled upon the original betrayal.

That’s what I can imagine, in some similar degree, that Jerry Sandusky’s trusting charges felt and still feel. There’s a weight of betrayal, by people who you not only trusted but admired, people who were supposed to be looking after your best interests but only serving their own base ones.

Then… to pile the pain on in unending measure… when things FINALLY start to turn against these unnaturally worshiped and revered men – THEN the people who hold them up as equals to Gods refuse to let go of their own hubris and ego and truly give these hurt souls a real modicum of respect.

Oh, they give lip service to that pretend respect.
Then they lay roses at the feet of the one who had all the power in the world to make the suffering of innocent children end. They cry “but we cannot give up a FOOTBALL GAME OMG.” That’s right, letting go of one stinking football game is said to be “punishing the school, who did no wrong.”

What if, instead of yelling about YOU YOU YOU – instead, step away from one lost game and the imagined injustices that you are suffering, and consider REAL suffering. Those who were abused? They will never forget what has happened to them. They may carry guilt and shame for the rest of their lives. But of course you are the one suffering with the suggestion that you might have to give up a football game.

People have said harsh things about your campus and culture because you are projecting a giant lack of compassion.

Is this your goal, your final needs,
Where dogs and vultures eat,
Committed still I turn to go.
I put my trust in you.

Those children believed in something that they thought was greater than themselves, and they suffered from it. The one who abused them was aided and abetted by those who would not risk their power and prestige to stand up for those children. Yes, Penn State, you were betrayed, too. But please don’t compare your betrayal to watching the man who could have saved you as you were ravaged in a shower, backing out and leaving you to your fate. Don’t you EVEN dare.

I was left to hang. I know how it feels. If you knew, you would never act the way you are acting. Be glad that you don’t truly know what it means to suffer from the depravity of another. Be glad that you don’t know what it feels like to have the ones you respected and trusted leave you out to hang.

And if you do know? Then shame on you, doubly.

Lyrics: A Means To An End, JoyDivision

I write, as openly as possible, about my experiences with life, love, creativity, depression and not-depression. I share opinions. I promote compassion and change. I talk about music. I also write poetry and short stories. I like to share them here.

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