One of the most difficult things to unlearn after experiencing betrayal in one’s life: jealousy. I hate even admitting to it.
Jealousy means second-guessing innocent statements. Or am I?
Jealousy means feeling like I’m paranoid, and being told that I am being paranoid, which does nothing to assuage that feeling.
Jealousy means worrying that I’m not paying enough attention.
Jealousy also means feeling like I’m paying TOO much attention.
Jealousy means hurting the people who love you, even though you try so hard not to feel this way.
This is a curse given to me by people that I previously put my trust in. I trusted them to be true to me in all things, and they failed me. I trusted them to tell me if things changed, but they wanted me AND everything else, too, so they kept me in the dark. I trusted them to be honest, and they lied. I trusted them to respect me, and they not only failed at that, but they failed at respecting themselves as well.
I’ve learned a lot from those experiences. That is one positive thing that I can take away from them. But I wish I hadn’t been left with the gnawing feeling that something might be conspiring to hurt me.
There are no guarantees in life.
I can only control what I do.
I know this.
Now, if only my heart would listen.